The 9 Worst Things That Can Happen at a Comedy Club

Tomorrow, a few of my friends and I are going to a comedy club for college night. Whenever I’m sitting in the audience, I try to be very careful that I don’t do anything relatively attention drawing. I don’t want to be singled out by the comedian! How awful! When we went last time for my birthday, we ended up sitting in front, and one of my friends got pulled up on stage for like a half hour! I would have died.

1. Like I just said, you get pulled up on stage.
This would be the absolute worst for me! The comedian will just make jokes at your expense and you’re suppose to laugh? Ughh.

2. You get made fun of for being fat.
I feel bad for the people that happens to. They’re probably self conscious already. If they weren’t anorexic, they probably are now.

3. You get made fun of for being a whore.
I only hang out with boys, but I’m not doing any of them. I’ve seen girls just like me getting the whole “are you boning that whole table tonight?” How embarrassing.

4. You get made fun of for being ugly.
Now not only are you gross, but everyone is laughing and lights are pointed in your direction.

5. You get that bitchy cocktail waitress who hates your table for existing.
Whenever I go to this comedy club, I always get the one old lady waitress. Why is she even still there? Bitch. She’s always pissy at our table for ordering soda and an angel to the table next to us with a bucket of beer. Like hey lady, if I attempt to order beer will you calm down? Not my fault, you won’t serve it to me. Then she always screams our order back to us, thus drawing attention, thus the likely hood I get negatively noticed goes up.

6. Your group ends up not sitting together.
And now your stuck next to that girl with the annoying shrieking laugh all by yourself.

7. The girl with that laugh was too good not to be brought up.
Usually it’s a girl, but it can be a guy with a booming laugh, or someone who makes comments on everything; thinking they themselves are the entertainer. Get your ass up there, or shut up.

8. The comedian wastes half the time doing banter with someone that isn’t funny.
I threw away my money for this?

9. All the jokes are about sex.
Maybe I’m the only one who this annoys but really? Oh yeah, sex is so funny. We know it can be awkward, we got that you like to bone idiot women, we got that you think your a ladies man and we got that you think you’re a badass for talking about a “taboo” subject for so long. So why don’t you go fuck yourself. Get it, get it? Haa. I’m a comedian, too.


6 thoughts on “The 9 Worst Things That Can Happen at a Comedy Club

    • Haha, actually the one last night was really good! He did creep over to our table, despite my worst fears. He only talked to my two friends, cause I had my head down-casted as to not make eye contact, haha.
      Hey! I love your blog name “anxietyandbiscuits”, hahaha. I cracked up when I first saw it!

      • I suppose it’s the cultural divide, but most comics I know of have a little more to say than just riffing with the audience. Maybe that’s standard fair in the US. You have a verrrrry odd way of achieving success through comedy over there…

        Thank you! I never know whether anybody ever gets the pun… Far be it from me to publicise myself all over your metaphorical living room (sounds filthy, sorry) I expanded a little on the naming process here. This is probably all you need to know about me;

        Also, I love your background image! Lovely stuff.

      • They have a lot to say, but the Funny Bone, where we went, is a very small place so it’s customary to banter with the audience. Some just don’t know when to let it go! Those crazy Americans… πŸ™‚

        I didn’t know it had a background, but I just pictured these anxious biscuits walking around and it made me laugh. But you’re explanation is waaaaay funnier.

        Oh, thanks! Don’t tell anyone, but it’s just a Google search πŸ˜› I’m moving to Chicago for school in winter, so I figured I’d show my love for it by using it as a background.

      • I’m definitely going to have to draw some anxious biscuits now. I reckon they’ll be saying ‘Oo-err!’ quite a lot. I’ve heard so many good things about Chicago!

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